Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

What is NULL?

March 21, 2009

Recently I was asked by a co-worker to define relational database terms in a glossary. I cheekily wrote of NULL:

What is NULL? It is nothing. But nothing must be something, otherwise it would not have a name. But perhaps nothing is nothing but an empty abstraction of the mind, devoid of any material reality. But this proposition must imply that nothing came from something, namely our minds, which happen to have a material basis, namely our brain. If nothing is a result of something and that causal something has a basis in material reality than ergo nothing has a material basis as well. Ask yourself, is not the nothing of outer space, or the gaps between atomic particles, constitutive of the universe and all of material reality? To be is to be perceived. We see nothing everywhere; it is pervasive amongst the other somethings. NULL is not nothing, but a mere signifier or pointer to another reality in which nothing really does not exist.

My co-worker was amused, as they ought to be. Such philosophical speculation only has value for amusement.

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Delightfully cynical and malevolent

October 3, 2008

Just appeared on my radar.

Cynical Misanthropy

Cure for the runny nose found

October 1, 2008

This was too funny not to highlight.

Screw the sudafed: When your nose ain’t great, masturbate!

Relationship advice from Schopenhauer’s Ghost

September 28, 2008

Helpful relationship advice from a dead, cynical existentialist philosopher: ASK SCHOPENHAUER’S GHOST

Philosopher’s version of Que Sera, Sera

September 23, 2008

(Nietzsche)
When I was just a little girl
I told my mother, what I will to power
I will be pretty, I will be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

(Sartre)
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, I will be
The future is ours, to take responsibility
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, I will be.

(Kierkegaard)
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart, what lies ahead?
We will have melancholy, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

(Hegel)
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, the spirit wills be
The past is ours, to re-see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, the spirit wills be.

(Heidegger)
Now I have rectorship of my own
The students ask me, what is it ‘to be’?
Will I be, being-in-the-world?
I tell them tenderly.

(Schopenhauer)
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, the will wills be
The future’s fucked-up and then you die, you will see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, the will wills be.